Monday, May 14, 2012


Good Morning Readers,

This post isn't going to be as light or "skippy" as most of mine normally's about my dad. If you're looking for something cherry and happy to start off your day then I suggest that you stop reading now and click on over to another blog. 

For those who wish to follow me on my journey, allow me to fill you in on some details. 
If you've read this post, then you know about my dad's lung cancer. 
Well, graduation came and went, and we took off two days at the beach. Just family time. It's what we all needed. At that point, my dad decided to tell me something else concerning his health. He had decided to hold off this piece of news from me so I could focus on my finals exams and enjoy graduating from college.

We went off on a walk, just him and me, hand in hand. He started giving me all the fatherly advice he felt needed to be given before the my wedding to Mike. I could tell he was keeping something from me... and I was right.

Near the end of our conversation my dad told me something that would again, shake my world. His team of doctors told him if he won the fight with cancer, he would only have 3-5 years left. Of course God can do anything he wants and my dad could live well into his 90s if God wants that.

I wasn't angry with God. Of course I didn't understand why but I again had to trust. My faith in God is the only thing getting me through this. People fail. Even those I love the most can't comfort me or bring peace into my heart the way my God can.

So 3-5 years huh? Well then that warps my timeline a little then doesn't it. I know pregnancies can't always be "planned" but Mike and I were going to wait a little while until we were financially stable and had "us time".  But I want my kids to know their grandfather. I want my dad to hold my baby. I want him to play with this tiny fingers and feet and make jokes about their winkled, hairless heads.

I want to hold a picture up to my 5 year old and say "Look! That's grandpa holding you as a baby!"

Am I willing to give up some of my plans so that my dad can hold his grandchildren? Am I willing to have less "Mike and Me" time and bring on the crying babies, dirty diapers, and sleepless nights? Is he worth that? Can I warp my entire life plan to squeeze in as much "grandpa-time" as possible?

Well first of all. It's not up to me to decide what happens when. I certainly didn't mark "Dad get's cancer" on my calendar this year. It's all up to God. But if I were up to me...yeah...I'd give up some of my dreams and plans to have Dad a part of my children's lives. 

"Is a year or two really going to make a difference in your kid's lives?" you may ask me. I don't know, maybe...maybe not...but it will  make a difference in mine!

So there's a little peek in my heart today. This was actually a very hard post to write. I had to stop a few times and just let the tears flow. I love my dad so much. But this is my God's plan for our lives. Who am I to question or get angry? 

All I can do is trust. 

Trust...and cherish each moment I have with my Dad.

1 comment:

  1. Who knows what time there is left for any of us... God will help you with the decisions that you must make in the future. If a child is due to be conceived, it will be... no amount of "Birth control" can stop it, as my two sons are testimony of... on the other side of that, no child will be conceived before God's time... Enjoy your new life, drink up all the love that you will share with your new husband, Laugh and share time with your dad and realize that this is the day you have... make the most of it! Leave the hard stuff to God, He knows how many days your dad has, and how many and when your children will come along and if you leave it to Him, in the end everything will turn out as it should. Hugs! Elle


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