Friday, June 22, 2012

How am I doing

Hey Guys,

So I just wanted to give another little snapshot into my heart today about Dad's cancer.
He's cut off all of his hair since it started falling out with the treatments. He's gone to doctor visits with Mom all of the time and Mom had turned into a pretty good nurse.
You should see the box of pills and things she has Dad tightly schedule on. She's also gotten pretty good at giving him those injections. Personally, I hate needles and leave the room the moment that thing makes it's grand entrance. 

So how am I dealing with this. I obviously can't ignore the fact that my dad has cancer anymore. He's bald for one thing, and second...he's in bed a lot thanks to the treatments. To be totally honest, I can't look at him sometimes. I'm trying to trust God...but it's really hard sometimes. 

I love my Dad. I don't want to see him like this. I don't want to see my mom like this. Sometimes I just have to look away, or lock myself in my room.

I throw myself into wedding plans, teaching activities, or pintrest. Sometimes I just need to break away from the real world and not have to think about the pain.

I know I should be praying more than I am...but that also forces me to think about the cancer that's trying to kill my daddy.

I can almost feel God's arms wrapped around me, trying to comfort me, but I think that my struggles to escape reality are also pulling me away from the comfort he's trying to give. 

I can't lie and say "Oh yeah, I'm doing fantastic! I'm actually on a spiritual high right now" because I'm not always doing "fantastic". 
Sometimes I'm screaming inside, sometimes I'm whimpering, and sometimes I'm just silently pushing it all away.

I'm so sorry I can't share happier news about what's going on in my heart. 
I guess I'm just trying to let things out before they take over, and desperately asking you to pray for my Dad, and to pray for me.

1 comment:

  1. Sorry dear for your pain... If you get a chance, check out Hallelujah Acres has been helping people beat cancer and other very debilitating diseases for many years. I have a friend who was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of breast cancer, she went on the Hallelujah diet (the recovery diet)and she has been cancer free without medical intervention for more than 5 years.
    It is based on biblical principles for health found in Genesis. There is also a site called It is a complementary site to and has a series called 60 Days to Reclaim Your Health. The videos in the 60 day challenge are very instructive and walk you through the basics. They are free.
    The basic idea is to eat an animal/dairy free vegan diet with as much juicing of veggies and eating of raw veggies, nuts and seeds as possible to aid in the body regenerating and building new healthy cells to replace the sick ones.
    If nothing else, all the good veggie juicing and raw foods will help him to feel stronger and have more energy.
    I hope he gets well and not only sees you get married but sees his grand kids grow up. Hugs! Elle


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